I have been giving a lot of thought and prayer to this subject here lately, and I believe I have come to a logical solution.
I realized the other night that I am truly just satisfied with having ONLY God right now. (I know it doesn't sound like much after all this time, but it's a big deal to me, lol.)
I feel so complete with Jesus already, that I don't believe a husband is necessarily a necessity. I am not to the point yet where I would be totally satisfied with NEVER having one, but I am totally satisfied with not having one until it's God's will that I get married, if that is His will. I do believe that with more prayer, I could accept never getting married, if that was God's will. As of right now, though, I don't believe it is. I believe God wants me to marry, but only AFTER I have learned to be wholly completed in Him alone and depend on Him for EVERYTHING.
I know I have a long way to go. I know I need to be confident in myself physically and spiritually, through God, and in my ministry before I even think about getting married. I am on my way to that point, but I know I still have a long way to go.
Right now, I'm trying to work on the "depending on Him for everything" part. It's still hard for me to go to Him FIRST when I'm upset, as I should. My initial reaction is to either blow up, if I'm angry, or call someone for comfort if I'm upset. I know I should instead first speak to Jesus, but it has oddly been one of my biggest challenges. Someone told me once that doing this would be totally uncomfortable for a while, and they were right. But they also said that with time, it will become the most natural thing in the world, and I am BEGINNING to feel that. (Like I said, I feel I am on my way, but still have a long way to go.)
So, in conclusion, I guess, I have for a while been "not looking" for a boyfriend. I think now, though, I have taken a deeper step in that direction. I truly only want to focus on God right now. I don't want to think about dating and marriage, etc. The problem is getting myself to physically agree! ha! :)
"More prayer; more fasting." (:
